Releasing Trapped Emotions

The physical body is an amazing vehicle for transformation. The month of June was spent accessing and releasing hidden and trapped emotions within my physical body. Since I broke my leg in a long mountain tumble last winter I have had a surgery and ongoing physical therapy. What follows is how it all went once the Physical Therapists took me as far as it could go on the physical level. The emotional level was about to be unleashed.

Yesterday I met with one of my physical therapists. He hasn’t seen me for a while, as I have two women and a man. The women kept me on an exercise routine and regularly maneuvered my right knee and hamstring muscles to aid in my full restoration of my injury. I am wanting to review my home exercises with Scott to see how to continue to make progress. I appear to be at a standstill not gaining any extension in my gait. Scott looks at the program and says you cant’ be doing exercises all day. He proceeded to ask about the pain and I told him it hurts in my upper thigh (IT band), below my knee and sometimes down to my foot.
Next he went to my right hip and began poking and prodding, finding all the key places which caused me to writhe and groan with pain. He holds the point of pressure releasing the trauma of the fall. As I lay there with the pain, breathing deeply, releasing with screams and shaking out of my system the accumulation of trauma my body took in on that cold winter morning. I tumbled some 200 yards of steep terrain in terror down a long double black diamond trail called Avalanche. I tried to go past that trail, but the ice took me down anyway.
Now I was the avalanche…all the terrible feelings of not knowing if I could stop myself… imminent death looming. The memories of yelling when no one could hear. Finally I commanded myself… STOP ! STOP ! STOP! Remembering what I did to stop the avalanche from getting to the bottom of the mountain. It all came to the front of my mind and vibrated itself with movement, breathing and loud screeching out of my hip, my muscles, fascia, tendons, ligaments, nerves, blood and bone. I am shaking, vibrating, breathing deep in order to let it all go. I want to pass through it again with a witness to my terror. That is who this man is. My witness to my releasing, relieving for a few minutes my terror of the tumble.
At first it sounds kind of easy maybe even fun to roll down a hill like when you were a kid. The truth is, until now I didn’t realize I held so much trauma in my right hip, since it was me knee that broke. Each time my body turned over my hip led the way toward the earth and the frozen impact. I too, had been frozen until now. All is connected. I visualized those moments where my body was parallel to the mountain turning over and over with my right hip taking the brunt of the impact and force. I managed to hold my head up enough not to be slamming it on the hard pack snow and ice. My hip saved me and here it was releasing and me and my pt helper witnessing the trauma return and becoming consciously visible and known to us. A gift to me to have my hip be the holder of it all.
Thank you hip for saving me from increased death or destruction of my precious body. Thank you. I love my hip and how it holds me upright and safe.
I also began to remember an earlier impact when I was 12 years old. I fell/jumped off my horse twice while running full tilt and hit the earth with great force….more releasing creating a space for healing… freeing the trapped emotions of terror from an earlier time in my life…creating a space for healing. Room for something new to come in. Interesting how injuries have a way o repeating themselves.
It is all good, the releasing. Like giving birth we breath deeply with sound. Loud, powerful, sound through the pain and trauma. We come out the other side feeling brand new and free from the pain, free from the trauma imprint placed on the physical being. As we open it receive and allow the flow of trauma energy out and the influx of new energy in we are restored and healed.
We need our loving witnesses and therapy helpers to access the pressure points of pain we are not always willing to access on our own. They open us up t o our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies, to become truly free and present to our selves.
Thank you Scott, Laurie and Nancy for your healing hands and open hearts holding a space for me to be all I am in fear, terror and trauma. I am now free.

Forgiveness Healing Through The Physical Body?

At  birth we are delivered into the sunlight with a physical vehicle, some would say temple, of a flesh, bone and fluid.  What purpose does it serve?  Why do we abuse it so? When will we fully understand the reasons for this journey through physical life on Earth?    tulip_123

Busting up a body part (acl avulsion of the right tibia) has allowed me to reflect on these questions.  Stopping my daily routine long enough to wonder with my imagination why I am here and what is my purpose.  The gift of my physical body has allowed me a vehicle to feel and allow  illusions to fall away.  The season of  Lent is a journey  that regularly brings me closer to God.  This year my body with it’s broken bone is showing me the way once more.  How fragile is the flesh and how consistent is the spirit,  the mind and the heart?  What I have discovered as I have been forced to stop and be still is that forgiveness is a wonderful way to wander through the levels of pain that stay stuck in our being, our bones, flesh and blood.

Forgiveness is the last sacrament Christ gave in his physical body before he “died”.   He forgave everyone everything. This is something I am beginning to understand.  The physical body holds pain and incurs suffering as the flesh and bone break apart.  Yet for me, my experience with physical pain is showing me something I did not understand before.  The process of forgiveness takes all the  pain away and replaces it with Love (Love Heals All Remember).  It led me to wonder if Christ actually felt any pain during his crucifixion.

Does the body hold pain because we are wanting of love and forgiveness of each others  pain?  Seems to me it does. Can the body let go of all pain when we are in a complete state of forgiveness and love as Christ was?  My experience with my recent injury leads me to believe the answer is YES.  I broke my leg.  It didn’t hurt too much.  Curious??  The swelling, the discomfort  was present yes, but  severe, throbbing pain NO!  When I took the pain medication as prescribed by doctors I felt more sick from nausea due to the medication than I did from the pain of the injury.  HMM? Curious some more??

The same happened after my surgery.  The medication, Percocet, demurral, morphine,  all made me feel so ill.  As soon as I stopped taking the meds I felt much better and noticed the pain in my knee was minimal and certainly very manageable.  This caused me more wonder, because I remembered that when I broke my wrist 16 years prior on the very same mountain (Cannon) the medication was necessary and vital to handle the pain and my sanity.  Back then I did not feel any nausea.

Therefore, I am very curious and wondering if my many years of personal process and emotional clearing  have changed the way I feel pain physically?  I know how to clear emotional pain and have been DOING it.  Now, I am realizing the truth I always suspected but did not fully understand via my experience.  Which is;  through regular and consistent pursuing of who I AM, and with the releasing , clarifying, understanding and acknowledgement of my own emotional, mental and spiritual pain,  my biochemistry has indeed changed enough that the degree to which I feel physical pain is lessened?  Alleluia! Miraculous!

During my latest recuperation the tone of forgiveness I am delivering to myself and other, has brought me deeper into my bones.  I have been releasing  what was held in guilt, resentment, jealously, fear and lack of love toward myself or another.  These feelings toward the ones who broke my heart with alcoholism and disappointment allowed me to begin another walk of forgiveness while my legs were still.    I wonder if Jesus Christ felt any pain at all.  Could his forgiveness have been so powerful he felt only forgiveness, love, and bliss as he was beaten and disparaged while he headed toward his father?   I found a validation of this idea through  A Course In Miracles which teaches this as it’s core.  With this understanding I began to forgive myself deeply and consciously.

Gradually over these Lenten weeks I have been releasing, feeling and resisting with consciousness all of the illusory perpetrators who levied against me unjustly incidents, accidents, abuse and neglect.  I forgave one by one and all in one from the crystal of my bones.  Even those who were without alcohol, but neglected to tell something of love or importance for my well being.  Any and all who ever broke my heart.  They did knot know I was broken hearted, as they were unconscious and in illusion within an illusory world.  And Neither did I.  All is released and forgiven…We are all one and of the same spirit and of the same LOVE.

During this Easter season, I am excited to experience my own resurrection and the Joy  that will be revealed…to be continued.

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