Every ACOA Can Mend Their PTSD

ACOA = Adult Child of an Alcoholic PTSD = Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Once upon a time there was a little girl who was unfortunately influenced by the effects of having a parent who was subject to being under the influence of alcohol. This child and this parent were truly just regular folks who felt pain. Be it the pain of overwhelm, fear of death, loss, lack, feelings of inadequacy, and depression. The child was subject to many mini-traumas and sometimes large traumas. Children feel way more than we understand. The sense of fear that would be elicited in the girl’s body made her heart jump and her breath stop. The fear of saying or doing the wrong thing made her become very careful and reserved, for an accidental burst of joy or smart talk could affect the whole family when the bear woke and showed its ugly teeth. One could not jeopardize the entire group through bad words or behavior. Thus slowly and sometimes instantly, the shut down begins and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is born within another innocent heart.

Gradually numbing and disconnect occur in the heart of the girl who loved to be free and spontaneous was gone and buried deep within where no one could see her. She was hidden away. Her trust in her family was shifted to disappointment. Was it possible to trust anyone in this world? Doesn’t every parent betray, abandon and neglect? How does one figure all this out? I know… I’ll be really good in school where expectations are more predictable.

Sometimes her fear turned into rage. How can anyone for so long hold their precious feelings ever so tightly with no room for passion and hopefulness, creativity, empowerment and enthusiasm? All of these wonderful growth feelings every child deserves to engage with were limited and diminished by the alcoholic parent. The feelings that were allowed were despair, discouragement, insecurity, numbing, unworthiness and powerlessness. She had acquired those in abundance and lived with them every day until her ability to feel the others was nearly gone.

Now as and Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA), she has the clear choice to not engage with the alcoholic or the behavior patterns. She slowly uncovers the joyful feelings and creates space to give them new light and air to breath and expand. The process can be challenging, but the outcome is always blissfully better. More time spent with appreciation, love, knowledge and freedom, is worth the dark journey to it. She found her way out of the tunnel of fear and into the tunnel of Love. The Good news is she didn’t do it alone. She found many allies who held a loving witness to the traumas while she recovered her lost heart.

It is important to find the support you need with fellow travelers who have endured the rigorous training and imprinting living in a family of alcoholics brings to us. Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting that feels good to you. There you will find a fellowship of travelers. Try some psychotherapy to work out the details of the pain and events that caused the mini-traumas leading to the varying levels of PTSD which may affect you in adulthood. Energy healing can help you re-pattern your bio-energetic neuro-network that was imprinted with the alcoholic training. Reiki Energy Healing can also help you re-parent yourself to a new place of improved emotional response to the triggers of life.

Always remember to have compassion for yourself and the alcoholic who was most likely a little child with some scary bear in the house as well. Love and forgiveness heal all wounds. It just takes time and support to recover. If you would like to talk about this disease some more schedule a Free consult with me to see if Energy Healing is right for you. Call or Email me today. See the schedule for days and times. Blessings for your recovery.

A Winter Soltice 2011 & The Long Journey Through Alcoholism

A Winter Solstice 2011 and The Long Journey Through Alcoholism

What happens to your Energy Field during the darkest part of the year? Like every other rhythm of a season, winter contracts, closes, slows down, goes inside. That is what we humans do too. We look on the inside for our sense of self. We seek the warmth and shelter from the looming darkness.

The Winter Solstice of 2011 is approaching and I am severely feeling the contraction. Needing to go inside. MY self, MY house, and do some housekeeping of sorts. Cleaning up my act from those dusty cobwebs of my inner being and long ago past. This year’s theme has been revolving and evolving within me around how I live with alcoholism. What are the effects it has had on me as an adult child of an alcoholic? I came to understand in the fall of this year how dark it really is for me.

The trigger points have been glaring in my face and there is no escape from them. The smell of it. The memories of the terrible Christmases and feelings of helplessness that arise when someone is drunk in my presence.

It became increasingly harder to keep myself from not registering the impact. So finally, I allow the impact to be felt. To notice how it still feels. Then the memories flood in again and my body reacts. Shuts down…I begin the numbing process. It lasts sometimes a few minutes or an hour. Other times for days. I don’t like how it feels and so I take a bath.

This year 2011 I figured out something BIG. The alcohol and interactions with someone using it gives me an experience of PTSD. Yes indeed I was traumatized over and again by out of control drunks in my early childhood and into adulthood. For the very first time I am acknowledging that I have been traumatized and continue to relive the trauma on those occasions where I am not able to manage myself and the symptoms that occur when someone around me is drinking . The darkness of how I feel sets in. And I shrink, I contract, hide, I get smaller and don’t shine MY light.

Now, this Winter Solstice I will have words to describe it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Realizing and understanding the descriptions of those symptoms is very FREEING and I have become more consciously aware of ME. Of MY FEELINGS! Yes I am traumatized. Yes I am very stressed. Yes I feel a large sense of disorder creeping into my life.

WOW…words to now describe further what it is like to be an adult child. To be an adult traumatized as a child. Being relocated every few months. Dealing with drunks in the middle of the night and cleaning up after them in the morning. Finding my way to school pretending everything is all right. Ahhh the safety of learning…

Learning I have PTSD surrounding alcoholism is a new badge of identification I give myself when I am unable to manage my emotions for a time. I allow myself to be angry, sad, grieve what could have been, numb and slowly recover back to my self and my own joy as I take a long hot bath into the long dark night. Contracting into the womb only to come out more clear and cleansed of the sense of helplessness. Just a little more expanded. It is no longer true that I am helpless and vulnerable. I am now an adult and can make a boundary and say NO where and when it helps me to stay safe and feel good.

As the holiday parties kick into full gear I can keep myself ok, by recognizing who’s around me, what they are doing and how I choose to feel about it. I have the choice to go home, to leave the room and go take a bath. Recovering myself from the fray of disorder. Choose carefully for yourself. Be aware of your triggers. Be gentle and kind to yourself as you wade through the mess from the past and step into the light of a new beginning. A new way to remember who you are.

Peace to you during this often challenging time of alcohol, holiday parties and family challenges.

May the Winter Solstice bring many Blessings to you and all your kin for Recovery, Harmony, Prosperity, Health and Well-Being.

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